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HE’S SEPARATED & STILL LIVING WITH HIS WIFE. DO YOU GET INVOLVED?

Dating & Relationships / November 14, 2012

Recently, I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office and overheard two women talking about dating a man who was “separated” from his wife but they still lived together.  One of the women expressed that she would not be down with that type of situation and that there was no way that she would ever go to the house because separated or not, that was STILL his wife’s house.  She had the key to the house, his kids and it was her stuff in the house and like it or not, SHE WAS WIFEY!  The other woman had another opinion.  She was more open to the whole situation but she said that she would NEVER go to the house and had to be sure that they were indeed NOT together.

As I listen to the ladies talk to one another, I wanted to join in on the conversation but didn’t want to get the “side eye” so as I was leaving, I gave them both my card and told them, “I blog about situations like the one that you two are discussing.  Check me out.”

I thought that I would get some feedback from my friends on Facebook and Twitter about their views on the subject and the feedback was very interesting.  This is what I wrote, ” I overheard some women in the doctor’s office talking about dating someone who were separated but still live in the same house. Is this doable? Do some people do this because of the economy? Would you date someone in this situation? Would you (the new boo) go to the house, even if he invited you?  “Share your thoughts”

separated-living-with-ex-2

 

It seems as though, those people who are single and have never been married, had the viewpoint of “HELL NO.”  Here are some of their comments:

“This is bull. He and or she is lying. There is no separation. And you would NOT be invited over unless the WIFE/ or HUSBAND is out-of-town. #dontbelievethehype.”

“F that”

“Hell NO!!!! & definitely wouldn’t step foot in that damn house!!!!”

“I wouldn’t. too risky. 1. if you don’t have any money to get in a right place you’re probably not ready for a relationship anyway. 2. that’s too close to your ex feelings can sometimes lurk unpredictably. like no that’s just a double whammy for me. too much stuff going on. too much baggage.”

“I know people live together because it’s financially beneficial to both, but it’s not for me. it would be too awkward to be in the home that the man I’m dating shares with his ex. i wouldn’t and don’t date men who are separated anyway. i don’t want to fool with you if you haven’t made a clean break and ended a previous relationship.”

“separated but still living together = it’s complicated which is still a “relationship” option the last I checked. So yeah, NOOOOO I would run from this kind of thing.”

“Heck no! This is unacceptable. Separated doesn’t mean divorced so technically you are having an affair with a married man! And I don’t willingly participate in sharing of men friends!”

“…as a single woman with no kids…nah, no way am I getting involved in a situation like that!”

“if you go to someone’s house that is living with their ex you are asking for trouble and you constantly have to wonder if they’re still sleeping together…….no bueno….if youre done be completely done and move the fuck on…..”

“so you’re supposed to be able to watch your ex in other relationships and cut off all emotional attachment….#delusional # that’s how people get killed”

“I dont think the economy is that bad where u have to settle for this, whatever u were contributing to that house u can use to get ur own place and either rent out or sell the house. I would not date someone in this situation, get urself together first before u come at me plus I would be wondering what was going on when they are home alone together every day.”

For those who have been divorced, are married or have been in similar situations or of a more mature age (50+), they had very different views on the subject.  These are some of their comments:

“Yep!! Quite possible”

“Live in the same house..yet, take the business away from the house..mature people can handle this..for a minute!”

” …have been divorced for 256 days and I still live with my ex-husband. I have not dated since our divorce because I don’t like being messy. I don’t know if he’s dating or not, but I don’t think any man who is worth anything would go for that. “

“I’ve made it very clear what he does outside of the house is his business. There is no ‘company’ here. I don’t want our kids to see that. It’s confusing enough as an adult.”

“Before I was married … I was all hell to the NAW! lol but now that I am it’s just a bit more complicated than … get separated, get divorced, move out and on with life. Especially if you have been together for years and have kids.”

“Depends on the situation. I know separated people who live in the house that are fine with each other’s dating. Depends on the people and the situation.”

“I know a couple of ppl doing this b/c of economy!!,BUT THEY SET RULES& boundaries, so yea I would do it!!!”

“I ACTUALLY KNOW OF TWO COUPLES IN THIS SITUATION IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY’RE BETTER FRIENDS THAN THEY EVER WERE AS A COUPLE GO FIGURE”

After reading all these comments and chiming in on the conversations that my question provoked, I asked myself the question…what would I do or would I get involved at all?  I know without a doubt that if a man told me that he was separated but still living with his wife, the first thought that would pop into my head is, “This MF is full of *ish!”  I would instantly think that he wants to have his cake and eat it, too.  NOT ME…NOT TODAY!.  Now, would I date someone who was separated?  Yes, depending on what their situation was and how soon was his divorce going to be final.

Now let me think about things from the perspective of a couple that is going through divorce and because of economic issues, one of the two can not afford to move right away.  What do you do in a situation like this? I guess it will all depend on why you were getting divorced?  Could you share a house with someone who had been unfaithful to you?  Would it be different if the two of you “just grew apart?”

I think that if a couple was getting divorced because of infidelity, there is no way that you can share the same house but what if you (the woman) were the one that was working and your ex was a SAHM?  You were the one bringing in the income for the family, your career was in full swing and you often had to take business trips out-of-town?  You didn’t have any family around to help out or the kids just, of course, felt more comfortable at home with dad?  Do you kick him out and figure out how you are going to juggle being a single mom and have a career that requires you to travel or do you allow your ex to stay with you, to help with the kids, while you maintain your career, i.e. Towanda Braxton, Toni Braxton’s sister who is separated from her husband but still living together.

Towanda-Braxton-Husband

In an interview with Freddyo, this is what she had to say about her situation, “Well you know, me being on the road all the time with my sisters and filming and stuff, I needed someone there of course with my kids and if I’m not there, their father should be there. That’s it!  …with the kids it’s a together thing. We do things together. But as far as our marriage, we’re separated. I think that because you are separated or you’re not with that person, you don’t have to be mean and nasty. It doesn’t have to be ugly. Because when mommy and daddy separated and got a divorce it affected us and I don’t want that to ever happen to my kids. So what they see is that their mother loves them and that their father loves them. We don’t argue in front of the kids, they don’t see no type of division, so that’s what I want my children to see.  I tell you what, there is so many people now who are going through the same thing that I am going through because of the recession, because of the economy. I’m telling you, it has affected so many people.”

I guess everyone has to do what works best for your situation.  What works for you, may not work for someone else.  However, if you are a woman or a man faced with the question of whether or not to become involved with someone in this situation, before you run to the hills,  you should take the time to ask some questions, first.  Get a whole story and then make your final decision.  You never know what you will uncover.

Would you date someone who was “separated?”

What are your feelings on couples who are “separated” but still share a house because of economic reasons?

Would you be willing to live with your spouse in that type of situation?

http---signatures.mylivesignature.com-54492-320-F54040C0ABD8B2B14B443689FD5D817B

Photo Credits:  nymag.com, justachitowngirl.com,


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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43 Comments

on November 15, 2012

I would never date anyone who is separated why don’t you have a divorce yet something is stopping you and I need a man to be fully involved with me not dealing with other stuff. Get one thing taken care of before you get into something else.

    on June 25, 2016

    I agree with Kita I dated a man for 2.5 years who was ‘separated from his wife’ but still lived with her, and was wondering why the hell he hadn’t divorced her. In the end I cut my losses and dumped him. Never, ever please get involved with a guy in this situation until he is divorced and moved out. I must admit I was naive when I first met him and he was a real gentleman and we really clicked however the warning signs were there an my sister adviced me but I ignored her. If I could turn back the time I wish I had enough confidence to step away from such a sticky situation and told him to divorce first. However I don’t regret the experience as its taught me alot about men, myself and relationships.
    A healthy, decent, and honest man would have got his divorce sorted and finalised before entertaining a relationship with another women. Mentally and emotionally he would be in a healthier place.
    By no means is it fair on a woman to have to see her bf living with another woman no matter what generic excuses he gives ‘She’s not there at the weekends’, ‘i sleep on the couch’, ‘we don’t get on.’

      on March 31, 2017

      Is it acceptable for my x husband ..now again boyfriend ..to allow his other wife to live in his pool house because she was in a car accident and is in a wheelchair…( not paralized) she drives..) I live on our horse ranch so I am not there to see what’s going on….!?!? Help me …what do I do?….They 1 son that is 18 !…..

        on April 4, 2017

        She was in a car accident…not like her house burned down or something. hy would she need to live there?

    on January 1, 2017

    My boyfriend has been with me for 4 yrs.he refuses to move in with me.he lives has all his belongings. Showers there.with his xwife and 10 yr old son. I’m a single mom with an 8 yr old.he has alot of property but his x got the house. But he lives there.says that nothing is going on.he comes here and she knows it. But she allows him to stay there what is wrong with this picture he blames me for him staying there.basically I think she wants her husband back and will do anything to get her family back he tells me he even thou we are split up and says its my fault because I’m friends with my sons dad.and we talk as friends. He built a barn rite next to her house instead of building his own place to live. Please tell me I’m stupid.

on April 29, 2014

I’m going through this situation right now. It’s taking me a lot of strength not to flip out about it…the reason he lives with his ex is for their kid, and he lost his regular job in January (place closed down). He’s an excellent father. I got in his face pretty bad about it…told him I’m not some mistress. He has reassured me, he has told me why he won’t get back with her…etc..I’m his first girlfriend after he moved back in…he was not living there for a while but the place closed down where he worked and he wanted to see his son more. I think he is foolish to think he could just get girls…I think MOST women would spin on their heels and walk away from this. The only reason I am sticking around is because I haven’t had feelings like this for anyone in YEARS. He is a special person…too bad he don’t realize he should have his own place!!!…He SWEARS if it weren’t for his son, this wouldn’t be happening. Seeing him with his son, I can believe that. Well eventually we (me and ex) will all meet. I’ve decided to put my raging, jealous feelings at bay until we meet, I want to see their dynamic. From the sound of it, they sound like roommates/friends. She is also on a dating site. He even asked me if I felt threatened by her…to which I said: Yes…for right now I will try to enjoy his company…until more is revealed. I even asked: “What…do you walk naked in front of each other???” He was like: “NOOO!!!” lol…Bottom line…if you live with your ex, expect problems in your dating relationships.

    on April 30, 2014

    Glyo, here’s the thing. Men will tell you whatever they want you to believe to be able to have their cake and eat it, too. Separated is still married and you have to face facts that no matter what he says, he is still married, living with his ex.
    Here are a few questions: 1. Do you talk to him while she is there? 2. If you called in the middle of the night, would he answer the phone. 3. Do you know where he lives? 3. When you saw him with his son, did you all do something together? Did he introduce you to his son?
    You are walking a thin line and one that just may end up with you getting your feelings hurt. I look forward to your responses. Be careful

      on June 25, 2016

      I agree with you here, SEPARATED is still MARRIED.
      Ladies DIVORCE is final.
      Do not involve yourself in such a hurricane until he is 1) divorced, 2) living separately and 3) introduced you to his family and freinds and if hasn’t run and don’t look back as you will get hurt in the long run.
      Messsage me if any questions, as I have been through this.

    on January 26, 2015

    Ten year ago I had met a man he would always call her my two ground kids mom. He never told me he was a married man. Of course, we both live in the same state. First, he lied to me and told me his kids called and said their mom didn’t come home last not. He never said my wife. I found out after he move from one state to another he’s a still married. I”ve said before I get in another serious relationship with another man. I”ll do a background check first to make sure he’s single or divorce. You already know he’s living with his wife and son. My suggestion date other men and if he really care and interested in you than he will file for a divorce from his wife and get his own place.

on July 28, 2014

My husband and I separated 18 months ago. He told me just before Christmas that he was moving out in the new year. We had been sleeping in different bedrooms for 6 months by then already. He moved out in March, so that was 3 months after he told me. And he asked me for a divorce over one year later, and even though I signed it straight away it took him another 2 months to hand it in. I know he’s got a new girlfriend, because my kids have told me about her staying over at his all the time, and I’m pretty sure he was seeing her even before he said he wanted to move out. He had been very distant and very private with his life, didn’t want to share much and hardly ever smiled at me. However he has never told me himself about his new girlfriend, probably because he still feels bad about leaving me. We were together for 12 years, married for 8 and have 3 kids. Basically I’ve seen this situation from the wife’s perspective. And it’s clear to me it’s obviously something that could happen, that a man lives with his wife, meets someone new, separates but continues to live together, and takes ages to finalise a divorce. It’s not impossible.
Now, however, I’ve met a man who is in the same situation. He’s separated from his wife, he says, but they live together until he finds a flat to move into. Housing is not easy to come by where we live, but I guess he could stay with a mate if he really wanted to. They have 2 kids and he says he wants to be near to them, so is looking for a flat nearby. He says they will get a divorce soon, but need to be married in order to give their kids dual nationality passports (he’s from Colombia, she’s from Sweden). I met him online, were his status was ‘separated’, just like mine. (I’m still not divorced by the way. We live in Sweden and need to file for divorce twice with 6 months apart since we have children under the age of 18 together.) Now he, his ex and their kids have all gone to their summer house together for 4 weeks. They stay in different little cottages (they have 3 cottages on a small island) and he stays by himself, while she stays in another one with the kids. He texts me all the time, about everyday stuff and about how much he wants me. He sends me pictures every day of what he’s doing. He texts me so much that I have no doubt he couldn’t be spending time with his wife without her noticing and wondering what’s going on, so I assume he spends most of his time by himself, while still being near to his family. I can sort of understand his situation since I have been in a similar one myself, but I still feel that maybe he’s just making things up. Maybe he’s thinking about divorce but she’s not? Maybe he’s just telling me he wants a divorce and he really only wants an affair. I can’t really know for sure, yet I don’t want to end things if he’s telling me the truth. It could be true, since I’ve experienced it myself from the other side of things. I just don’t know…. Any advice?

    on July 28, 2014

    Marie, this is a very tricky situation. You are very familar with this type of situation because you were in it but it is very hard to give your all to someone who is not only still married but living with his wife. Too be very honest, I have to question that fact that are vacationing as a family when he “says” that they are no longer together. I think that the best thing to do is to wait until he is divorced and then have a relationship with him. Hopefully things work out. Good luck!

    on June 14, 2017

    Ask to meet his wife. If they r seperated but living together he should have no problems with u talking to her.

on January 14, 2015

I have been involved with my boyfriend since August 2014 he told me straightaway the situation that he was seperated since May 2014 but still living with his wife in same house. At first I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with situation and he said no problem he could understand how I felt.
Then I thought to myself if you don’t give it a try you might regret it so we started dating . We have always been honest with each other he has always told me you ring me anytime you want or ask me come down its up to me to prove to you that things are how he says they are . The last few months he has proved himself over and over again he has now started divorce proceedings and wants to plan a future together I know it seems a short time but I have known him through friends for over 30 years and we just seem to feel the same way about each other. I would say there is no guarantee with any relationship but if it’s meant to be don’t let other people try to influence you or put ideas in your head because if I had listened I wouldn’t be in this situation or as happy as I am today .

    on January 15, 2015

    At the end of the day, Jenny, you have to do what’s right for you. I’m glad things worked out and I wish you all the happiness life has to offer.

on October 3, 2015

My x fiancee and I live together. We’ve been separated longer than we were together. He met a woman on an online dating site and brought her by here 2 x’s at 4am after a night out drinking with her. By morning they were gone ‘for breakfast’. That made me VERY ill at ease. I have a 21 year old Son from a previous marriage whose bedroom is across the hall from my x.My Son stayed at a friend’s house both times.
The last time my x brought this woman over, I was just exiting the bathroom and ran into them as they were coming in the door.I felt very awkward. I tried to be cordial and have some friendly bantor as HE made a rapid B-line for his room. AS I was chatting with her, she was walking away from me (read ‘fleeing’) towards his room. As I tried to continue with the vague casual conversation, she shot me a judgemental LOOK…looked me up & down with a stupid expression on her frumpy middle age face. I hope she never returns! Treating our house like some kinda by-the-hour cheap sleazy motel…there with door closed and KNOWING sex is happening on the other side…right next to MY bedroom? Crass, indiscreet & just plain disrespectful. This is my home. I shouldn’t have to deal with running into that stink-eye giving frumpstress on my way down the hall.I say NO WAY. You meet a guy who (cuz of financial dilemma) still lives with ex? RUN. If I see her again she is getting an icy reception. And cheap HIM not renting a hotel room..bringing her over all piss drunk like that at 4am. The CAD.She must have pretty low self esteem to date a man in that situation. Broke and whisking her into a ROOM. They’re not 20. These are damned near 50 year old adults behaving like this. I wish we could afford this place on our own. I feel trapped and rent elsewhere is too expensive for us to move out. (Plus, if anyone’s gonna be moving out, it should be him.) Only a low class woman would date a man in this situation + come in the home for sex…let alone DRUNKEN, beer-goggle 4am sex. Very disrespectful.btw can’t go to HER place cuz she lives with her elderly Mother….ah but it’s ‘fine’ to bring her HERE?…this drunken, nasty-stink-eye giving strange woman. NO. Take that nonsense outside. Not in my home.

    on October 5, 2015

    LMAO!!! Denise, this story is hilarious! I don’t see how you do it, living with your ex. The line has to be drawn somewhere. How did he think it was acceptable to parade women through your home?

      on January 1, 2017

      I’m on the other side of this. My husband cheated then started a relationship with this much younger other woman. We have been together a long one so live together. She immediately wanted to come round when I wasn’t there and even wanted to decorate my home for Christmas!! My husband asked me back so I did. This lasted 2 weeks as he is now saying he wants to be with her one more time or else he will always wonder what it would be like. She is constantly asking to come into my home. She’s actually been round banging on the door demanding to be let in. He talks to her in front of me. I don’t know what to do.

        on January 10, 2017

        Wow!! Are you guys still together or actually separated?

on January 3, 2016

I started dating a man that says he wasn’t married and come to find out he was married with 3 kids by her. Not to mention he has another child by a different woman before he met his wife. So he’s married and the wife stills stay with him. The situation is the woman has MS and she’s sick. But he wait til 2 months if meeting me to want to file for divorce. I been to the house because he said he wasn’t married so I went and asked myself. So that’s how I found out he was married.

    on January 3, 2016

    Hey Kendra. So, are you still with him? Did he actually file for divorce or is he saying that he stays because she has MS?

on January 3, 2016

No I’m not with him. And yes he filed I saw the court papers and everything. He says he stays because its financially convient for him and for the kids. But why would he wait til now to get a divorce after meeting me.

    on January 3, 2016

    I’m not sure why he didn’t file I until after he met you. Maybe it was a long time coming and he just decided to do it or maybe he did it to prove to you that the marriage was really over.

on May 3, 2016

I recently met a separated man who still lives with his wife, and kids. And he just came back from a 2 week vacation with them. Did it for the “kids”. In the month I’ve known him I’ve realized and rather quickly that he’s a waste of my time, energy, and feelings.

Married/separated men are like a hurricane; if you get too close you get sucked up into the vortex (drama) and you get tossed all over the place. You never knew what hit you. Sometimes it’s a category 3-4, and sometimes it’s 6-7 leaving you destroyed. The difference between 3-4 and 6-7 is how much time you spend messing with the hurricane. My advice: RUN.

on June 25, 2016

So sick of unhealthy couples saying they are ‘staying together for the children.’ Really how about being poor role models and not being able to show them what a real couple look like?
They’ll think healthy love is sleeping in separate rooms etc etc.

on July 26, 2016

Myself after 6 years of dating this guy. I found out he was still married and living with his wife know kids with her so i ask myself why he never told me why he kept it a secret the whole time.I think know woman are man should date someone that is still living together with their wife are husband. Because you never really know what goes on behind close doors when he not with you.when he can’t treat you out because he claim he never has money something is wrong with that picture. He say they sleep in separate rooms where do he sleep when his family comes in town to visit?

    on August 6, 2016

    Exactly!! They are still sleeping together. You can bet on that!

on August 6, 2016

I’m sorry but any woman who finds out he is still married should run for the hills, if you have any incline he is (sorry but there are enough clues to know someone is married-way too much clues) then leave until there is an official divorce paper.

Don’t hang about, you ENABLE behaviour if you let him fool you. DO THINGS PROPERLY OR YOU WILL BE BURNT IN THE END. LEARN FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS ALREADY!!! TIRED AND TESTED AND THE ANSWERS SEEM PRETTY SIMILAR.

on August 8, 2016

Ironically I just googled this just to see what was out there… I’m currently dating a MARRIED man who I met when I was in my early 20s at that time he was married I was young and yes I dated him (Not Proud) fast forward 10yrs. Later this same man has been married to this woman and they have split 3X within the course of this marriage …. Now that I’m older I’ve refused to give him the time of day ( we’re social media friends) I always shrug off his advances etc., recently he told me he was seperated from his wife living on his own etc., so I was like you know what let me see what this man is about so I got to know him a lot better than I did when I was younger and I must say he has me totally smitten but at the end of the DAY this is a married man idk why he hasn’t gotten a divorced but he keeps saying it’s about his kids and that’s the only reasons why he stays and if he goes back he’s sure he will be miserable and right back in the same situation BUT my problem is since we’ve been dating or whatever were doing he’s been on vacation with his wife and kids a total of two times within the course of 30-45 days!!! He’s like these are all pre planned vacations that we planned a year out! I’m not going to lie I definitely feel some kind of way about it! I don’t know what’s up with me I like to think I’m a confident girl with great self esteem and I’m capable of dating any man who is single and available YET I choose to be in this situationship I keep thinking like well what if he really is done this time and he actually does want to move on but then he tells me that he wants to be single and date etc but then acts as tho he wants to just date me I’m just confused!! and im just like yeah I need to leave his A** alone just looking for advice!

    on August 10, 2016

    It seems to me that you already know what you need to do. I can understand that sometimes the sense of what is “familiar” makes us go back to an ex, even though we know that we shouldn’t but you already know that he isn’t going anywhere. 10 years ago is a long ass time to be in a “loveless” marriage but he isn’t trying to go anywhere. How old were his kids back then? They should be old enough to understand if his parents aren’t happy together but I believe that he is just blowing a lot of smoke to have his cake and eat it too.
    By wasting time with this zero, you are blocking your blessing and maybe missing out on the person that you should be with it.
    Be free of this loser and don’t waste anymore of your time!

on August 28, 2016

after reading all of these comments, I decided to chime in with my perspective from a woman who is currently separated but still living together. Regardless of your judgements towards people in certain situations, it is real life for many different scenarios. My husband and I were together for 15 years, married for 10 and have a 7 year old. we took in a niece who was 14 at the time a few years ago. Our relationship started to go downhill not long after we took her in. He didn’t coparent and started making decisions on his own regarding the teenage niece. We fought. A lot. This went on for about two years, and through it all, we started to grow apart little by little and have a little less love for each other every single argument. However, he got transferred for work and we find ourselves states away from all of our friends and family. The niece no longer lives with us and he started getting meaner in things he would say. At that point, I knew in my heart that I was sad, lonely in my marriage and was no longer IN LOVE with my husband. We wanted different things at this stage in our life. He finally told me that he cheated on me for two years (thus some of his anger). That made something inside me click. That was the push that I needed to end our “relationship.” He also bought we could be happier with other people. So, now here I am in a new place where I hardly no anyone and we are invested in our new home. He carries AMAZING health insurance that costs nothing, has great benefits for family and makes a lot more than I do. With all that being said, there really is no longer a relationship between us. We haven’t been intimate in forever, even before we moved. We live in separate parts of our home and many times do not even eat dinner together. We live as roommates and I’m sure many of you will automatically think you know what is best for OUR child, but kids are smart little creatures. Our son knows how our situation is and is really ok with it.
We are an open book. The other is allowed to have relationships, however, we are respectful of the other’s feelings. We may not be in love with each other and the relationship aspect is over, however, we were still together 15 years so there is bound to be some sadness at seeing the other dating. Eventually, it will wear off and if something really great happens to either one of us, we will explore how will will proceed with one moving out. In the meantime, our “marriage” is very platonic and has zero intimacy involved.

    on August 30, 2016

    Wow! That’s gives a lot of insight into what goes into the flip side of the situation. Trust me, there are no judgments here but my only question is, if he starts dating someone and the women, (like many of us, who would question what is “really” going on with a man who is separated and living with his wife) wants to speak with you, would you tell her the truth or refuse to speak with her?

      on August 31, 2016

      I would absolutely speak to her. When I heard those words that he slept with someone else for 2 years, everything I felt changed in that moment. I understand what many people think and I get that it’s hard to believe. We had a rule that neither one of us can have dates there if the other is home, just out of respect. We also don’t bring new people around our son. When I have met new guys (not that there has been many) I have been upfront in the beginning.

        on September 4, 2016

        I’m sure more men are more accepting then women are. I think we are always more suspicious.

on September 5, 2016

Interest discussion here.I think it is always wise to get all the facts before making a decision. Life is complicated. What may seems like a simple black or white, yes or no question may actually be one with many grey areas. If I hear the facts and am satisfied with them, dating a separate person wouldn’t be a problem. If after hearing the facts, I am still a bit skeptical, I would decline the offer. What is meant to be will be, so if it takes time for the divorce to happen and then we date, then so be it.

on January 5, 2017

Lets flip it around. I am in a relationship and in Love with a womsn after dating almost 2 yrs. Her husband lived in the downstairs of the home until he moved out 3 months ago. She has 3 children and i know her whole family. She claims that dhe is madly in love with me but meanwhile still isnt divorced and keeps on saying the agreement has been changed and she hasnt had a chance to overlook the changes cause she works 2 jobs and her mom is gravely sick. I love this woman but its very important to me that she gets a complete divorce. I feel she is stalling for some reason. It is bothering me so much that in April before our 2 yrs together i am willing to walk away. I feel no matter what her problems she doesnt love md as much as she says cause she is in no hurry to get that agreement signed and i feel she is hiding something. In your honest opinon what do you think i should do??

    on January 8, 2017

    I think that it is not fair for you to be stuck in limbo while she figures it out. You deserve better and even if she is separated, she is still married and until she gets divorced, you need to leave her alone.

on February 16, 2017

I am currently dating a man that is married, yet separated from his wife and living in the same household. His reasons for not leaving is his child which is 3 yrs old. He has never given me a reason to doubt him, EVER! I’ve met his sisters, even met the “wife” (although it was more of her just staring at me for 10 mins), and I’ve met his son and spent countless moments with him. He lives for his son in a way I’ve never seen any father do before. he describes his relationship between him and his “wife” as room mates, mentions how they never talk, and how it can be so frustrating to live in that environment, but then again…he’s there for his son. He sleeps on the couch, and he pretty much is ALWAYS with me, if not, his son and as he is he sends me videos, pics, etc. The only odd thing about the whole thing is that he’s never had a verbal conversation with me in HER presence, nor does he verbally talk to her in MY presence…I trust him but those 2 little things just erk me, I’m not sure if it’s just my mind playing games with me or it’s something that I should really consider as a red flag. I mean, he’s done soooo much for me to see that he is honest…maybe insecurities? ANYWAYS…it’s been a year…and no movement has occurred. He loves me like no other and expresses it in such detail but I dont see any movement of him moving out or making a life with me. Again, he cant find a way to separate from his son and I get that…but…Im only 24 as he is 36 and I want a family too, I don’t want to be another year in this situation, but I love him SO MUCH. I’ve tried to break it off so he can focus on being with his child but he refuses to let me go and in these episodes he mentions of divorce, and moving out but when we are back together I find myself on the same boat. I dont know what to so: if to listen to my heart and stay because I love him and POSSIBLY have a future with him OR listen to my brain, leave once and for all and live without the man I love but have the family I’ve always dreamed about. HELP!

    on February 19, 2017

    I think you already know the answer to your question. You need to leave him alone. You have so much more living to do that you don’t need to waste your time with someone in his situation. There is someone out there for you and he isn’t it.

      on May 16, 2017

      I have been dating a man who lives at home with his ex and their 2 children.
      When I met him he said he was single and he has told me he will be moving out and said give him 4 months

      I’m scared incase he’s just telling me what I want to hear and I don’t want time be in this situation for years and years,

      What do I do?

        on May 30, 2017

        Hi Linda. I think you know what you need to do…leave. It’s not fair to you and until he is totally out of his situation, you should not be dealing with him.

on April 15, 2017

Ok I’m one of these guys! I’m separated but still living together with my wife. She is the one who is going to move out and although we will have joint custody our young daughter will mainly be with me. Yes it’s lonely and I feel in limbo as she’s always delaying moving out even though she’s already met someone (she goes out all the time) I don’t feel like I can start a new relationship until she moves out but life isn’t that easy, and we have to wait 2 years before we can get divorced! What happens if I meet someone and the sparks start flying? I see so much negativity written about guys in my situation that I feel like no matter how I try to explain my situation no women will believe me and will think I’m lying or want to cheat! My ex doesn’t seem to have this problem as I think she’s met a few guys already !!
I feel so low and trapped 🙁 but at least I have my daughter to keep me going!



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