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WHEN SHOULD MY CHILD MEET THE MAN THAT I’M DATING?

Dating & Relationships / Parenting / Single Moms Talk / November 28, 2012

The question that many single moms ask at some point in their dating life is “when should they introduce the man that they are dating to their child?”  This is actually a problem that many of us single moms face and one that has been addressed many times.  Some people will argue that the child should meet the person fairly soon to see if they “like” one another.  Other’s will argue that if you wait too long and the two of them don’t get along and you have developed feelings for that person, you will be in a jacked up situation. Yet others argue that you should wait until you go beyond “casual” dating and it turns into something serious.  Steve Harvey even chimed in on the topic in his book, “Think Like a Man” where he thinks that if you wait too long to introduce your child to the person that you are dating and when they finally meet they don’t get along, then you have wasted your time.

First and foremost, I believe that you have to be very selective in the men that you date, especially when you have children.  You can not bring everyone around your child.  If you are going to go on a date, meet him at the location, that way you don’t have to go through explaining who he is to your child.  It also makes it easier if for some reason you aren’t vibing with the guy and need to make a quick getaway (but that’s a different topic).  The point is, he doesn’t need to come to your home.

Second of all, I think that you really need to get to know him one or one before you make any introductions.  You need to spend time alone talking, getting to know one another’s likes and dislikes, mannerisms, etc. before you introduce him.  Make sure that you really like this person and that you are both on the same page, as far as what you are looking for in a relationship.  If it takes you 6 months to get to know someone, then it will be 6 months before you introduce him to your child.  However, if you are just casually dating then there is no need for you to make the introduction.

By introducing your child too soon to someone who you are casually dating can actually confuse your child and become a disaster.  I know women who casually date several men and make the mistake of bringing every one of these men around their child.  Besides the fact that you aren’t setting a good example by parading men in and out of your home, imagine what you are teaching your child about relationships, especially girls.  What if one of these men that you are bringing to your home is a child molester?  Get to know a man before you bring him to your home!

As a single mom, you need to get to know someone before introducing them to your child…PERIOD!  Take your time getting to know someone and make sure that you really like them and have the intentions of them being in your life for longer than a minute.  It doesn’t make any sense to have someone meet your child and your child gets attached to the person and a month later you decide that you don’t like this person anymore. Now you have to explain to your child why this person is no longer coming around.  Why put your child through that?

I know that there is someone out there who is saying that the same thing can happen a year down the line.  Yes, that is true but at the same time, I think that as a single parent, you should just be cautious of who you allow to come in and out of your child’s life.  If a year down the line, you two decide to go your separate ways, for whatever reason, at least you knew (in that year) that he was a decent enough person to have around your child than just meeting someone, introducing him to your child right away and the 2 months down the line, he isn’t around anymore and now there is another man who is coming around. That’s not cute!

Single moms, when you decide to get back into the dating scene, there is a lot more at stake then just your own feelings, you have to take into consideration the feelings of another person…your child’s.  You must protect their hearts just as you would your own and make sure that the man you are dating is worthy of not only your love but that of your child’s, as well.

How long do you think a Single Parent should wait before introducing their children to the person that they are dating? 

 


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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4 Comments

on November 28, 2012

Moe, you bring up some pretty good points. I don’t have a time frame either but I will not introduce my son to anyone just off the bat. My son is an only child and boy oh boy is he attached to his mom. I do agree that children shouldn’t control who you date. If it was up to my son, I would be single FOREVER!!

on November 29, 2012

I hear where you are coming from but what if you know a LOT of guys and date a LOT, should a woman still bring all those men around their children, even if they are only her friends?

on December 3, 2012

I’m on the flip side of this discussion – I don’t have kids and once dated a man who had a son. I wasn’t interested in meeting his son for at least a year. I liked hearing about him, was interested in my male friend’s interaction with him, but I felt that until I knew I was going to play a significant role in this man’s life, meeting his child was out of the question. Of course it is a bit different with parents who don’t have full custody – as a single mom or dad, spending time with someone without your child is a lot more challenging. My view was that if we didn’t work out (and we didn’t btw), I didn’t want to have to break up with TWO people. So I said, at least a year. And around 6 months we ended things, so I was right!

    on December 3, 2012

    I’m glad that you used your better judgment in this situation.



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