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So What You Saying?
As I watched, Iyanla Fix My Life with Evelyn Lozada, there were SO many messages that stood out to me but the one that keep resounding in my head was, “We teach people how to treat us.”
Recently, I wrote about letting “Bullshit back in” and after saying those 6 words a couple of times in my head, I realized that I can not put 100% of the blame on a man who I felt “did me wrong” because I “taught” him how to treat me.
Women, when you REALLY think about those 6 words, how many of you, (if you are REALLY being honest with yourself) have “taught” men to treat you badly? Think about it.
Now, let’s get REAL …
When you allow a man to “treat” you like a booty call, you CAN’T get mad because he won’t take you out or around his family because you TAUGHT him that it was okay to call you in the middle of the night to come over for sex. EVERY TIME that you opened your legs to that man without a commitment, hell, without even taking you out at all…you TAUGHT him how to treat you!
When you allow a man to tell you that, “I’m not ready for a relationship,” but you want one, yet you decide to “just hang out” with him…you are TEACHING him how to treat you!
When you live with a man and allow yourself to give him ALL THE BENEFITS OF A WIFE …you have TAUGHT him how to treat you!
Every time that you do something in a relationship or a “situation,” repeatedly you are “teaching.” When you answer the phone every time that he calls and if he says, “Jump!” You say, “How high?” If you are always accommodating to a man but who is never there when you need him…you have taught him how to treat you!
How many times have you TAUGHT a man how to treat you and become upset when the outcome was not what you wanted? How can you then, get upset with men who didn’t respect you or who you have labeled as a “DOG” but you take no responsibility for the situation? How is that fair when women hold all the cards in a relationship? Nothing happens that we don’t allow.
Every time that you do something in a relationship or a “situation,” repeatedly you are “teaching.” I think that as women, we need to be more aware of that, especially, if we are not getting the results that we want. You can not expect to be a hoe and then expect a man to want to wife you. It’s not going to happen. If you have a been a booty call, a hoe, etc. you have “taught” that man what type of woman that he is dealing with, thus he treats you as such.
You have to OWN the lessons that you have taught. You can’t be mad at a man for learning the lesson. Plus, if he was a man has morals, who respected women and who was not looking for the lessons that you were teaching, you would not be in the situation that we, as women often find ourselves in when things don’t go a planned.
The lesson in teaching people how to treat us does not only pertain to dating and relationships, but in our every day lives, as well. If we accept, tolerate and accommodate bad behavior and disrespect from others, you have taught them that it is acceptable to treat you in such a manner.
STOP ACCEPTING, TOLERATING AND ACCOMMODATING DISRESPECT! Teach and demand respect from men and those around you. Don’t cry about it, complain that “you can’t find a good man,” or that “people just walk all over you!” YOU TAUGHT THOSE LESSONS! OWN IT AND CHANGE IT! There is no better time to start than today. When you know better, you do better. Now you know!