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Dating & Relationships / September 11, 2012

I met him while working in the South Bay Galleria back in the day and I should have known that this dude was no good, by the leather trench coat that he was wearing in 90 degree California weather.

He came into my store and started a casual conversation.  I don’t remember what he said but I do remember that I LOVED his voice.  It was deep and sexy as hell. Lucky for him, I was phasing out of my “Light Skinned Men Only” phase because he was a sexy dark chocolate.  Don’t judge me, I was still in my 20’s and superficial as hell!

I’m gonna call him Leon, for the sake of hiding his identity (don’t ask why because after you read this, every woman should beware).  He was in his late 30’s, about 6’6 and in the church.  His father was a Minister of Music at a church, was very well-known among the church set, was gay and had recently passed away.

Let me fast forward…

I began to “see” Leon and we would go out to the movies, dinner, etc.  I noticed that every time we went out to eat, he would find something wrong with our meal so that he didn’t have to pay for it.  The first time that it happened, I just brushed it off but when it happened a second and third time, I knew this guy was a scammer.

Leon didn’t have a car, so I would pick him up from his “brother’s apartment.  An apartment that I never went in and that I would pull up and page him when I was outside.

Now because he didn’t have his “own” place and his brother’s wife didn’t want people over, he would get us a room.  What was interesting was that he would never take a shower after sex.  I walked into the bathroom one time when he was “taking a shower” to find him sitting on the side of the tub with the hot water running.  When I asked him what he doing, he told me that he was just allowing the “steam” to clean his pores.  WTH?  I walked back out and closed the door.  I should have listened to my intuition at that moment but I didn’t.

One day, we went to the Christian Bookstore and I noticed that he paid for all this stuff with a check, including a beautiful ceramic angel that he gave me.  Turns out that the checks were his deceased fathers checks, but he was a Junior, so there wasn’t any question about using them.  Besides who in their right mind would bounce a check to a Christian Bookstore?

He had purchased a bible that he had his name engraved on.  He asked me to go over and see if it was ready.  I went over and picked up the bible and almost fell to my knees when I read what was engraved on the front of it, “Reverend Leon Jackson!”  I HAD BEEN SCREWING A MINISTER!!  Lord, help me!


As I walked back over to give him the bible, all types of things were going through my head.  When people say that the devil and demons are not real, I know they are lying because the devil was celebrating (in my head) that I had sex with “A Man of God.”

When I handed him the bible, I said, “Was there something that you forgot to tell me, Minster Leon?”  He just looked and smiled and said, ‘Now you know.”  Being that I was in a Christian Bookstore, I couldn’t say all the things that I wanted to say….

Did I leave him alone…..

A couple of weeks later, we go out with his friend who is also a preacher, has his own church and he brings along his girlfriend.  Now his friend’s girlfriend is the best friend of his wife and wears a ring on her finger like his wife does.  Go figure…

Fast forwarding….

One day when we are out, he asks me to take him to pay a bill.  I did and that evening he left the receipt in my car.  He called to ask if he had left it and I found it on the side of the passenger seat.  It was a receipt for a home phone and it was for a number that I didn’t recognize.  I told him that I found it and he told me not to call the number because it was his brother’s home phone and he didn’t want his sister-in-law to be upset.  So, I didn’t but wrote the number down.  Later that week, I blocked my number and called the number and the recording said, in a woman’s voice, “Thank you for calling Reverend and MRS. Jackson….” Did I just hear that right??  I called back again and heard the same recording.  Well I’ll be damned!!  This MF had been playing me all alone but in hindsight, I had been playing myself because all the signs were there all the time.  I just choose to ignore them.

I waited until Sunday morning because I knew that he would be at church and I thought maybe I could catch his wife.  I called the number and a kid answered the phone and I asked to speak to their mother.  They asked who was calling and I said, “Your father’s girlfriend.”


His wife got on the phone and asked who was calling and I said, “This is Leon’s girlfriend.”  She said, “Excuse me.”  So, I began to give her the run down.  I asked her where was he on Valentine’s Day and she said at church and I told her, “No, he was with me.”  I guess she didn’t believe me and I asked her if he wore Curve cologne (which I hate to this day) and she said yes.  I told her that he had left the bottle in my car and she said that he told her that someone had stolen it from church.  She had given him the bottle for Valentine’s Day.  After comparing facts, she realized that I was telling the truth and said that they had been married for 12 years, had 5 kids and the only reason that she was at home that morning was because one of the kids couldn’t find their shoes, otherwise, she wouldn’t have been home to get that call.  “Look how God does things,” she said.

She said that she was going to take all his stuff and leave it at the church,  that she was done.

“Have a good one,” I said and hung up.

Needless to say, he kept calling me like nothing ever happened.  Like I never spoke to his wife, etc.  I never spoke to him again.

It took a long time for me to go to church after all that happened.  Even though I chose to remain in the situation, I was hurt by the fact that someone that was supposed to be a “Man of God” could act like that.  Don’t get me wrong, I have some blame in this as well, because I chose to remain in the situation after I found out that he was a minister.

In situations, there are always life lessons and what I learned from this and what I want anyone who reads this to learn is to not put your trust in man because man will deceive you.  Jeremiah 17 5 says it better, “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.”

Ladies, I want you to trust your intuition.  Your intuition is that angel sitting on your shoulder telling you that something is wrong, waving the red flags and warning you!  So often we ignore it, if we just stopped to listen to it, we could save ourselves a shit load of heartache and pain.


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on September 11, 2012

WOW, what a story!

on September 11, 2012

I love it! It made me imagine things. BTW your Facebook button don’t work! I wanna follow you on Facebook!

on September 18, 2012

Gurrrrrlllll, this story needs to be a made-for BET movie!!! What in the name of iced tea & collard greens is wrong with some of these men??! Do they have no fear or reverence of the Lord??!! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s downright SCARY out here! These so called bootleg preachers are makin a mockery out of God & He ain’t gonna have it! When I read your story I thought about the story about the preacher in the ATL who showed his natural behind by givin’ all those women in his church AS I DIE SLOWLY (AIDS)!!! Just scandalous!I’m just gladthat it didn’t turn out as bad as it could’ve. You be careful out here Mama!

on September 19, 2012

Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, OMG! This almost doesn’t sound real, but I know it is. If I told my story it would sound like a lifetime movie. We women often ignore red flags, but thank goodness hindsight is 20/20. I bet your discernment is razor sharp after dealing with something like hat. I know mine is sharp enough to slice through any BS.

    on September 20, 2012

    That whole situation was a trip. I didn’t even put everything in there because it would have turned into a book. You aren’t kidding about my discernment today. I have zero tolerance for BS.

on January 15, 2013

Hate to disagree but not all guys will deceive and cheat. Sorry you had to deal with someone that can’t practice what he preaches and lead by example. We are not all bad. Best of luck in healing and finding someone that will not show any of the worst qualities of the human race.

Also Intuition is not always right but it does have it’s moment.

    on January 24, 2013

    Thanks David. That was such a long time ago and I learn many a lesson from that!

on January 24, 2013

Some story!!! How they can make it so believable…if there is one lie, there is usually bucketful setting and waiting to be uncovered.

    on January 24, 2013

    You aren’t lying, girl!!

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