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The REAL Reason(s) Why I Am Single

Dating & Relationships / June 14, 2012

Let’s get right down to the nitty gritty and address the question that I am always asked by men.  “Why are you single?”  “As beautiful as you are, I can’t believe that you don’t have a man.”  “You would make a good wife, how come you aren’t married?”  To this I usually respond, “Because I haven’t found the right one yet,” but honestly, that’s the short answer.  I have to give the short answer because frankly, the long answer would take too much time for such a simple question and I don’t want to scare off the men who are asking this question with the REAL answer.
Generally after asking your name, the next question is, “Are you single?”  At that time, I respond yes, and I have always generally responded, yes (see my previous post for an explanation of this.) and then as always, the next question is, “Why?”  Since you are reading this blog, I assume that you have a little time on your hands, so relax while I break it down for you.
The reasons why I’m single is because of several things.  The first reason is because I haven’t found the “right one” and let my sisters tell it, I won’t find anyone like Jesus.  They think that I am looking for the “perfect” man and in some ways this may be true.  I mean, Jesus is the bomb. Think about it. He is honest, giving, trustworthy, loves people, loves God, empathetic, courageous, a good listener, a provider and the list goes on and on.  Who wouldn’t want a man like that?  Seriously, I am not looking for a “perfect man” but he does have some criteria to meet but I will save my list to the end.
The second reason that I am single is because I like my independence.  I am comfortable with being by myself.  Truth be told, I like it.  I have never been the type of woman that likes to sit up under a guy.  I want him to go hang out with his friends.  Do your own thing.  Let me miss you.  Yes, there are times that I like to be “cupcaked up,” but there are many more times that I want to be in one room and you in another.  No, I don’t have to watch the game with you.  No, I don’t want to be around you 24/7.  I need my space.  Now, maybe I feel this way because I am not in love with anyone or I haven’t met anyone that I WANT to be around like that but I am almost positive that when I do, I will still need my own space.
The third reason that I am single is because I have a low tolerance for bullshit.  I don’t have time for games and drama.  I have been there and done that.  I don’t believe in the whole, “3 strikes,” give a fool a chance to keep fucking up.   Look, you only get one time!  My philosophy is that at 38 years old, I don’t have time to waste.  If I let you fuck up 3 times, that is time that I wasted.  Why would I do that?  Life is too short and my tolerance is even shorter.  Patience is one thing that I don’t have and I don’t have time to wait for a man that doesn’t have his shit together. Point blank. Period!! Enough said on reason 3.
The fourth reason that I am single is plainly put, Guys from LA are, for the most part, full of shit.  LA is a big place. Now, ladies, I am sure that men from places other than LA are full of shit, as well, however, my point of reference is LA.  There are many men (not all) that think they can have a women in LA, another in Cerritos and another in Northridge and they will never find out about each other.  WRONG!  LA may be big and all, but men are stupid.  They don’t know how to cheat, thus they get caught….OFTEN!!!  Take it from a “reformed” Playa. I know!! They can’t remember their lies, they don’t remember to turn the ringer off at night, etc. etc.  Now, I am not the type of woman that goes looking for stuff.  I don’t check phones and don’t answer them either.  It’s not that serious.  Whatever is done in the dark will come out in the light, so if you are doing something wrong, I WILL find out eventually.
The fifth reason that I am single is…I AM TOO DAMN PICKY!! I am not sure if that is necessarily a bad thing or not.  I know what I like and there are some things that I won’t compromise on.  This is where my “list” comes into play. All the things that I said Jesus was earlier are on my list, plus the following:  Must be at least 6’1 but preferably 6’5 or 6’6, employed, a gentleman, be able to hold a decent conversation, be versed in current events, have a good relationship with his mother, have a sense of humor, love kids, be good with money, know how to conduct himself in any social setting, be supportive, have his own opinion, have his own place without any roommates, like to travel, confident, ambitious, loyal, affectionate, and fashionable.
I don’t think that is too much to ask for.  I think that my list is very realistic, however, trying to find a man with everything on my list has proven to be extremely hard.  Therefore, I have stopped trying to find him myself and let God send him to me.  Hopefully, God and I see eye to eye on my list and he will be everything that I asked for and more.  Until then, I will continue to work on me and the issues that I have, so that when God sends him, I will be able to receive him.  Until then, I guess I will continue to be The Sexy Single Mommy in all of my glory!!!

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on June 14, 2012

I am with you girl, It is the truth. Most people don't want to hear it. If a man is not right for you, then he is not. Having one child already make people think that it will be hard to find a man so therefore I should not be picky

on June 14, 2012

If anything, I think having a child already has made me even more picky.

on June 16, 2012

You are a trip! lol! Your list of requirements for a man is long! At least you know what you want and aren't willing to settle!

    on June 16, 2012

    I do, Ugena!!

on June 26, 2012

omg u sound like me! i think i am way too picky..but y not i have to be if im gonna be spending my time with u. i think im entitled 2 be picky…and i love having my own space.. i just dont want a guy intruding right now. in a nutshell u hit the nail on the head

    on June 27, 2012

    Thanks, Chequita. I am glad that I am not alone!

on July 15, 2012

You don't have to settle until you have the one you want. Stand firm, as you have, to get who you deserve. I'm with cha!!!!

on July 18, 2012

Dam thats a long list! Some things you cannot bend on, but some you can. If he has all of those things, its still going to be something you dont like. There are also some things that both men and women will grow into or change with time. Us men are not that picky, I married my wife because she was cute, sweet, and tried everything to make me happy. I had all of the major traits that a husband should have, but I have changed some things to make her happy. Remember, just because a man does not have certain qualities when you met, does not mean he will never have them.

on July 19, 2012

Awww come on! That list is not long. I just know what I want and what and what I expect. It is what it is.

on July 30, 2012

I don't think you're being too picky at all. When you find the man you want to be with, it will happen, and it also means one thing “you're not settling.” That is a good thing. You're looking for the real deal, and when you commit you will.

but in the meantime you're independent enough to enjoy LA and the huge city that has so much to offer. I would dread having to date in this city!!

    on July 31, 2012

    Thanks, Jamie. Dating in this city is NO JOKE! I look forward to reading about your adventures in the city. Don;t be a stranger.

on September 22, 2012

LMAO! I love that, “I’m not hungry enough to put everything on my plate!” I just don’t have time for BS, either! Life is too short! Thanks and don’t be a stranger!!

on October 25, 2012! I love how you are giving it straight no chaser about being a single mom but holding on to who you are as a woman. I was a single mom for 20 years so I know this struggle intimately, I was a woman with standards and I refused to compromise which was why I was single for 20 years, lol. But in the end it was worth it and I would do it all over again if I had to. Keep telling your truth, the are many women who need to hear how its done and done right.

    on October 25, 2012

    Cathy, thanks so much! I try to keep it as real as possible and I am so glad that it is appreciated!!

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