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Catch Me Elsewhere
It’s no secret that men and women don’t completely understand one another. There are things that men do that leave women befuddled and there are things women do that leave men utterly baffled. Will there ever come a time when men and women will understand one another completely? I honestly can’t say. There are a number of factors that would determine that; the primary factor being communication. If a man and woman are capable of communicating with one another, effectively and respectfully, I believe they can overcome anything. I would like to take a step toward bridging this gap by answering a question that plenty of women have asked at one time or another: Why men don’t call back?
If a man approaches a woman with respect and shows an interest in getting to know her a woman is likely to respond positively, if she is attracted to the man. From the initial conversation they are likely to speak on the phone a number of times and eventually plan a date. In most cases the date is a success. They share a meal together, exchange stories and information about one another and even have a few laughs. Sounds like a great time, right? That is until she never hears from that man again and doesn’t understand what happened.
Whether men and women realize it or not, control is essential in every relationship. The key is to maintain a balance of control between both individuals. If too much control is given to one individual things can go south quickly. Take for example a woman’s first date with a man. She gets dressed up, he picks her up, he wines her, he dines her, he holds a great conversation and he makes her laugh. In the minds of most women this is an ideal date, but that can be the furthest from the truth if she relinquished all control to the man. In most cases, women aren’t aware that they are relinquishing control to the man, but it’s happening. It is vital when a woman goes on a date that she never gives full control to a man. The control must remain balanced. By all means she should allow the man to treat her with respect and show her a good time, but she must never become lazy. Don’t let the man ask all the questions or expect him to lead the conversation. That’s a one-sided approach and a huge mistake. The man will sense that she is sitting back and allowing him to dictate and determine the course of the conversation, the date and ultimately their future together. When a woman allows that to happen she has given that man all of the control. She has also made it clear to that man that she isn’t truly invested, which in some cases will lead men to detach any feelings they had for the woman and never contact or call her again.
Even more important than control, in my opinion, is communication. It is vital that a man and woman establish a clear line of communication from the beginning. In fact, the first date is the perfect platform for building this foundation. For some reason, many men and women believe they must shy away from certain topics and questions on a first date. I prefer to take the opposite approach. The first date should be similar to a free-for-all or a buffet; it’s the best time and place to put everything out on the table. By not taking this approach I believe a lot of women set themselves up for disappointment. For example ladies, how many times have you gone on an amazing first date with a man and concluded the evening without knowing where things were going next? This should never be the case. A man and woman’s future plans together should be thoroughly discussed on a first date. A woman should never be afraid or feel intimidated about asking a man where he sees things going at the conclusion of their date. Next time you’re in this situation ladies, it is important to know who will call who and if you both plan on going out together again. These things need to be communicated so that both individuals know what the next step is. Also, this will allow a woman to know whether her phone will be ringing in the near future or not.
Another topic that seems to have become taboo to discuss on a first date and may contribute to part of the reason why men don’t call back is dating philosophy. It amazes me how many men and women neglect to ask and understand the dating philosophy of the person they are interested in. How else are you going to figure out if the two of you are truly compatible? If a woman wants to know if a man is only dating and pursuing her she should ask. Don’t let things be or play things by ear. That’s the road that leads to disappointment and no return phone calls. If a man has moved on to the next or has shifted his focus to another woman, that is what it is, but a woman should never be surprised or caught off guard by that. All she had to do was ask. Whether a man is honest with her is one thing, but never asking is something entirely different. The sad reality is that most women never open their mouths to ask. That has to change…starting now.
No woman wants to put time and energy into a man that isn’t willing to do the same for her. Likewise, no man wants to do that either. With a balance of control and clear communication women and men can establish the foundation for their future together. That way no one is left confused, misunderstood or waiting for the phone to ring.
Why do you think men don’t call?
Do you have a dating philosophy? If so, what is it?
Do you find it hard to communicate on a first date?
Photo Credits: EricRobersonMusic.com, MadameNoire, com