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Catch Me Elsewhere
Have you seen that video that was going around the internet a few months ago where a female preacher, sharing the stage with her mother, starts talking about good dick? I only saw it once, and can’t remember the name of the preacher. But, it’s hilarious. I mean, she just gets all caught up in what she’s saying and suddenly, in front of God, her mother and everyone else, declares that good dick will make you “slap somebody”!
As awkward and funny as that video was, my girl wasn’t lying. When the dick is too good, you really could haul off and slap somebody! Ty even talked about this a few months ago in her “dickmatized” piece. So you regular readers and listeners already know.
Now I’m not talking about your average, run-of-the-mill good stuff. This isn’t about the good loving that gets the job done and takes the edge off a rough day. I’m not even talking about the kind that puts you right to sleep, either. And I’m definitely not talking about making love, where it’s all tender and sweet with rose petals and violins.
I’m talking about that crazy “good-good” … that intense, toe-curling, head banging sex where you sweat your hair out, scratch up his back, and forget your religion! It’s hot and nasty. It’s messy and loud. It is so insanely good you’re liable to forget your own name!
That’s the kind of stuff that’s dangerous, ladies. If you’re not careful, you could become addicted. Seriously! Personally, I try to only deal with good stuff like that on special occasions. Because I already know how crazy life can get on that hard-core “good-good”!
You ever hear of “too much of a good thing”? Well too much good dick is just that: too much! And it isn’t good for you. In fact, it’ll make you lose your damn mind!
You’ve all seen the symptoms of someone getting too much “good-good”. Your once normal, fully-functional girlfriend suddenly changes. She starts standing you up for lunch dates without calling; you can never reach her by phone; her hair starts looking a hot mess whenever you do see her; she walks funny; and she seems distracted and sleep-deprived.
Now, these signs can be tricky because they’re also the symptoms of new motherhood. But the difference is a new mother will have a cute new baby. A woman getting too much good dick won’t have nothin’ but a big-ass smile on her face and a vacant look in her eyes!
Normally, I wouldn’t hate on anyone getting a lot of good stuff. But the problem with too much good sex is that it begins to take over your life. It becomes an addiction. You become obsessed.
It may start out like any fling. But pretty soon, you get so caught up in that “good-good” your life begins to suffer. You start missing work, your laundry starts piling up, and you start paying your bills late. You ignore your friends and family, you begin to neglect your appearance … the good dick has completely consumed your entire life
And yes, it’ll even make you slap somebody. Because when the dick is too damn good, a normally sweet, non-violent woman will go ape-shit crazy for it!
Here’s an example: let’s say you show up at Mr. Good-Good’s house unannounced. Now you know damn well you’d never just show up at a man’s house unannounced if you were in your right mind. But that good dick has got you acting all out of character and doing crazy stuff.
So, you show up and find Mr. Good-Good isn’t alone. He’s sitting up in his house with some random chick. Remember, you don’t have a commitment with Mr. G. G. Y’all are just casually “kickin’ it”, because no man that good can be tied down.
But you’re all strung out, hair looking crazy, just looking to get another fix. So when you show up unannounced and see he’s with someone else, you lose your damn mind! You go after old girl like a rabid dog after a bone and yes, you actually slap her!
See, that’s what that good dick will do to you! That woman hasn’t done anything wrong. She’s just sitting there at Mr. G. G.’s place, minding her own business when your crazy ass comes and starts showing out!
Mr. Good-Good is used to this kind of thing, of course. He’s so good he has women losing their minds all over town. So like the pro he is, he calms your crazy ass down, stops old girl from calling the police, and sends you on your merry way. And somehow, you leave with a smile on your face. Maybe he promised to come break you off a piece later. I don’t know.
All I know is that any dick that has you acting this crazy can’t be good for you. It’s too much of a good thing and you need to stop it before you end up in jail. You need to walk away from Mr. G.G. and his magic stick before you do something you’ll really regret. Get out now!
Ladies, if you’ve ever been strung out on some “good-good”, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, be warned. Too much of a good thing can be dangerous because real good dick will sho’nuff make you slap somebody!
Can I get an Amen?
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