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Catch Me Elsewhere
DISCLAIMER FOR THE MEN: While size doesn’t really matter, it kinda does. That said, no one can control their dick size. So, no offense, guys. Besides, y’all stay talking about women’s asses, so …
I was talking to my girl about one of her ex-boyfriends the other day, a guy we both knew in high school. She happened to mention that he was well-endowed, a fact she’d neglected to share years ago when they were dating.
“Really? Archie* has a big dick?” I asked.
“Yep. Like, HUGE! As in ENORMOUS!”
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” I said. “In hindsight, Archie’s always had a BDA.”
“A what, now?” My friend asked, confused.
“A BDA: Big Dick Attitude.”
As I explained to my friend, men are well aware of where their dick falls on the scale. Whether it’s from locker rooms, porn, feedback from women, or whatever, they know.
Men on the smaller end of the scale know that size isn’t their strongest point. That’s why the smart ones hone their skills like they’re training for the Sex Olympics. No, that’s not a thing. I checked. And if it was, I’d win all the gold medals! Smart small dick dudes work at perfecting their stroke skills, pussy eating game and whatever else they have in their sexual back of tricks.
Guys with average dick sizes have the most varied skill set. Some are great and can do things that’ll send you to the moon. Others are lazy, and do only the minimum. It’s a crap-shoot what kind of skills you’re gonna get with an average sized guy. (Well, not really. There’s also this thing I call GDA, which is Good Dick Attitude. More on that later, though.)
Now dudes with big dicks usually fall into two distinct categories:
Now, Category 1 guys are tricky. You’re usually so impressed with his big dick that you’ll go back for more, even though the sex was mediocre, at best. Caught up in the rapture of all that length and girth, it may take you a minute to realize he ain’t really all that. But you’ll soon realize the damage to your cervix just isn’t worth it if you have to do all the work.
I knew a Category 1 guy. His dick was so big it could’ve had its own zip code. Astronauts could probably see that thing from space! But other than the bragging rights of having conquered that big ol’ mountain, I never went back for round three (of course there was a round two – see above paragraph). Dude basically just laid there and let his dick size do all the work. Boring!
But if you find a Category 2 man, that’s a whole ‘nother game, right there! These guys could rest on the laurels of their enormous members, but choose to hone their skills, anyway. That’s why they’re the Holy Grail of sex partners. But they’re also dangerous and will have you out here losing your damn mind. One good roll in the hay and the next thing you know you’re stalking him and his mama, giving him your pin numbers, and jacking up your good credit.
So watch out for big dick guys with top-shelf skills, ladies. If you’re lucky enough encounter one, proceed with caution. Let a friend know, so that if you come up missing (‘cuz you done staked out his mama’s house, hiding in the bushes, and shit) or if you get arrested (‘cuz you done staked out his mama’s house, hiding in the bushes, and shit), you can be rescued. Or bailed out.
Regardless of whether Mr. Big Dick is a category 1 or 2, he’ll have a Big Dick Attitude. That is to say, he’ll have a certain cockiness about him (see what I did there?), that says “I may not be the finest, richest, or even smartest guy here, but wait ‘til I unleash this BEAST!”
BDA shouldn’t be confused with GDA (Good Dick Attitude). GDA men are confident in a more subtle way. Their swagger tends to be a bit more refined. They know they got skills, but don’t need to brag.
But BDA has more of an edge to it. It’s a rougher, more obvious kind of arrogance. This may be an evolutionary carryover from our primate days, when size and strength meant male dominance. I can usually spot a BDA from a mile away, and not just because of the bulge in his pants.
Just being able to spot a BDA doesn’t guarantee if it’s a Category 1 or a Category 2, though. Unless, he’s also got a healthy dose of GDA too, which can be hard to spot if his BDA is the more dominate trait.
I know. It’s confusing. That’s why I’ve spent so many years perfecting my Investigative Dick Spotting Skills (IDSS). I want to make the world a better place by sharing my wisdom and discernment when it comes to dick. You know, just doing my part for womankind.
Anyway, start checking out the guys you know and evaluate their swagger. Watch the way they walk and talk, especially in the presence of women. Learn their attitudes and soon you’ll be an expert BDA spotter like me.
*Archie isn’t his real name, of course. With his BDA self!
Photo Credits: Pinterest