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Catch Me Elsewhere
We’ve all been in relationships where we weren’t treated like we deserved to be treated. Many women have been in so many relationships with complete jerks, who didn’t treat them the way they deserved to be treated, that they have no idea what a good relationship feels like or even looks like. There are even women who look at the lives of girlfriends and wives of rappers and those in the entertainment industry and believe that a man who has all the riches at his disposal and who showers his woman with jewelry and bags is the example of what a good man and relationship looks like.
With popular social media like Instagram, everyone is showing off for “the gram” and showing off their fabulous relationships to the world but who knows what happens behind closed doors. Of course, one is going to show all the “good things” going on in their lives and never the bad things. I mean, let’s be honest, who wants the world to know that you can no longer take those fabulous trips because your bae got laid off?
For all of you who are in new relationships after being with jerks, I have compliled a list of things to look for in your new relationship to know if your new man is loving you the way that you need and deserve to be loved.
He actually make plans with you, not just promises to hang out. His word is his bond and if he tells you something, you can take it to the bank. He is serious about spending time with you and actually asks you out and doesn’t send text asking to come over in the middle of the night. The two of you are serious about spending as much quality time together as possible and when you are together, he gives you his undivided attention.
You don’t have to guess or ask him, “what are we? because he makes sure that you know where you stand in his life. There’s never a point at which you can’t ask questions or receive answers regarding your relationship. It’s not a game and his intention is not to hurt you or break your heart.
Even if you can’t physically be together at all times (or if you don’t want to), you’re never left wondering when you’ll next receive a text or call. You never have to wait any extended period of time to hear from them, and you certainly don’t play a game of “who texted last doesn’t have to text first.” Nope, none of that. Why? Because he cares too much about how you’re doing and genuinely talking to you than to wait around and see if maybe you’ll grace them with the time of day.
It’s not just all about sex with him. He loves to spend time with you and having sex doesn’t have to be part of the agenda. Netflix and chill really means, Netflix and chill!
This is where most men – to be fair, women as well – make a big mistake. If you love someone, it matters less that you love that person than it matters that you make him or her feel loved. People seem to have it backward. They are under the illusion that the way they themselves are feeling is how to best define love. But your bae has got it right. He shows you that he loves you with all the things that he does big or small and that’s what matters.
You haven’t brought anyone around your family in years and rightfully so, they were jerks and your mama would have told you so. This time, you know your mama would approve.
He takes what you have to say to heart, adjusts his behavior and responds accordingly when you communicate that something isn’t OK with you. He doesn’t brush off your anxieties or concerns; he seriously evaluates them and tries to see whether or not he can reassure you or make the relationship better by compromising in one way or another. No one person is running the show here—you’re both equally committed to making the other one as happy and comfortable as possible (and you both know that begins and ends with listening when you communicate, and acting accordingly).
Even if you don’t have time for elaborate expressions of romance each day, just a simple touch, or look, or gesture says it all. Even if you don’t have time to be together, and won’t see him for the next few days, you don’t have to be mentally consumed by him to carry the small, inner knowing that you are loved, and that there’s somebody waiting to hear about whatever kind of day you had. And that’s the mark of a truly good relationship: one that makes you want to be your best, but go home and tell him all about your trials and triumphs and struggles and successes regardless, because you know you’re unconditionally supported, and loved.