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Divorce. It happens, it seems more so these days than not. Chances are, the older we get the likelihood that we will meet and date a man who is divorced is high. Like many of you, dating after divorce is not something you just jump into. There were steps that you took to get to that point. Getting back out there is tough enough but dating a divorced man is a lot different from dating a man who has never been married.
Don’t ask about his ex-wife and do not compare yourself to his ex -wife. As a matter of fact, besides asking why they divorced and if the divorce is final, it’s really no concern of yours to learn about his ex. Focus on what is going on between the two of you and getting to know him better.
I know this one all too well. When I was dating a divorced man who was fresh out of his marriage and although he is a really good guy and I enjoyed spending time with him, the chances of us being in a relationship were about nill to none because he just wasn’t ready. I believe that he was still hurt in a lot of ways from the failed marriage and even though we went through the motions of dating and “acting” like we were in a relationship, we weren’t. The moral to this story is: make sure that he is emotionally available so that you don’t waste your time.
Understand that you both have gone through things in life and have probably been hurt more times than you care to mention. Don’t bring old hurts, disappoints and negativity into something new. If either of you are unable to do that, maybe it’s not time to date.
Usually after a divorce, men are not afraid to express their feelings and share exactly what they think about a situation. At this point in their lives, they usually feel as though they have nothing to lose. Often times, we marry what we think want and have these totally unrealistic expectations of what a marriage should be and look like. Not soon after, reality kicks in and it’s not what we saw on The Cosby Show and it’s more like Rosanne. When men decide to get back out there and start dating, they usually know exactly what they want and will voice it.
Your not playing on the monkey bars anymore! You have made it to the big kids playground! Divorced men (maybe I’m a bit biased) are great in the bed. They are attentive to your needs, wants and desires and make an effort to take care of you…first!
I know you feel like you don’t have time to waste and I get it but don’t expect a proposal after 6 months of dating either. Given how long they have been divorced, they usually won’t be ready to jump back into a serious relationship quickly. Hopefully he’s not newly divorced and using you to get over his ex.
Photo Credits: HuffingtonPost.com, HealthyBlackWoman.com, rockgenius.com, singleblackmale.com