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Catch Me Elsewhere
This topic is one that I hold near and dear to my heart. It has been a topic that I debate about time and time again. For some, cheating is a hands down “deal breaker.” While for others it is something that can be forgiven but never forgotten. I believe just like everything else, it’s not just black and white. There is a huge grey area that can’t be ignored.
There are many different angles you can approach with a cheating significant other. And the angle chosen should be based off of circumstance, lifestyle and the overall situation. Most people look at the cheater as being the “wrong doer,” or “the person who should have never.” Well let me be the one to tell you that in most cases, both parties are to blame. It’s somewhat hard to see how you could have easily played a part in your mate’s infidelity, but believe me when I say, it happens and it happened to ME, as well as my husband.
The funny thing about my husband and I is, we were wrapped around our own personal self-desires, wants and needs that we forgot about each other. When that begins to happen, it comes off as neglect. Your partner feels as if you aren’t satisfying them mentally, sexually or spiritually. And you feel as if you are missing out on possible romance elsewhere, which in turn causes your mind to wander.
All of these things surface due to stubbornness. We all have our moments in life where we are stubborn and unwilling to give in, which in turn leaves us lacking in the love department. My adolescent mind could have me not talking to my man (who wasn’t my husband at the time) for weeks at a time! This type of behavior leaves room for others to wiggle their way in.
That’s why when my husband “cheated,” I wasn’t shocked. Of course, I was hurt. But I knew damn well I didn’t make home what it should have been. I walked around with a fucked up attitude almost every day. And everything he did was far from being right. Who the hell is going to be faithful to a person who makes their life miserable on a daily basis?
And yea, you can talk about vows, God and all the things that relates to holy matrimony. But in reality, we are humans. Humans who live with weak flesh every single day. And when the soul lacks what it needs, it seeks it elsewhere.
So yes, I was at fault for my husband’s infidelity. But I can say that it helped me realize how good of a man he was, where I wanted to be and what I had to do to keep him. So I cleaned my shit up, and made sure he knew where home was. That was almost ten years ago. And now my husband RUNS home to me after work because I hold it down like a wifey should.
On the other side of the fence, my husband was an idiot as well. I had my “one cheat” and he understood that he wasn’t the greatest man he could be. Men have to understand that when a woman cheats, it’s because you aren’t giving her what she needs. Our needs are simple, provide for us, protect us, and show us that we are all you need, want and think about. When you ignore those three basic rules, we begin to ignore your basic ass attempts. It took time for my husband to understand these needs, but once he got it, there was no stopping him. He doesn’t even give me time to think about another man.
Now, please don’t get it twisted. When I say cheating can mend a broken relationship, I’m not talking about a thot (a ho) ass cheater. I’m talking about cheating that only happens once. And anymore after that is grounds for a divorce. I don’t do more than one. Any more after the first, I will be throwing your shit out, filing for every monetary payment I can get, and breaking my fist over you and your hoes’s head.
So, understand me when I say, a moment of desperation and a lack of fulfillment at home can easily be a cause for a person to cheat. But if you truly love the person you are with and you see yourself with no other, it will bring you two closer together whether you want it to or not.
Photo Credits: TroubleMarriage.com, outlish.com, cocoacure.com, hellobeautiful.com