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Catch Me Elsewhere
As it turns out, despite the facade that Porsha Stewart put out there for the world to see, everything wasn’t so peachy in Georgia and based on what is playing out on Season 6 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, there are a few lessons that we can learn from Porsha Stewart.
First off, the ladies called it last season when they said Kordell was controlling and honey, that fool is NO joke! Not only was he an asshole for telling the world that he filed for divorce by tweeting it and had not told his wife, who by the way, was in the next room but you treat her like a side chick and pack up her stuff and send it to her mama’s house like “Bye Bitch!” Who in the hell does that?
In Episode 4 of RHOA, Porsha goes to see her therapist and she said some things that I believe so many women can relate to whether they are married or in a relationship. Here are some lessons that we can learn from her:
Porsha told her therapist that she was like a robot, just going through the motions and they spoke about how she lost her voice by allowing her husband to control her.
I think that so many women are looking for a man to “take care of them,” who will be that “provider” and do all the things that they believe a man is supposed to do. Porsha became a trophy wife and to the world, she was good with that and defended her husband when anyone saw through her facade and spoke on what was really going on.
Porsha was looking for someone who was like her father, who provided for his family but where she made the mistake was that she didn’t really know who she was marrying. She even asked her therapist when she spoke about Kordell, “Why did he marry me?”
Her therapist didn’t say this but let me be clear and I really think that even if she may never say this aloud, she may be realizing it now. He married you because he wanted to prove to the world that all the rumors about him being gay were not true, so he married a young, naive young woman who he wined and dined and swept off her feet and once she became his wife, he turned into a totally different person. That’s why he married you!
“I thought we could fake it till we made it.”
Porsha and Kordell were putting on a facade to the world and behind closed doors it was all a lie. You can not “fake it” forever because one day, the whole thing is going to blow up in your face. “Faking it” doesn’t help what is going on behind closed doors. “Faking it” will not one day turn into everything that you dreamed your marriage/relationship will be. “Faking it” is just that…faking it and at the end of the day, all the people who you were putting on a front for, don’t really matter in the scheme of things and when everything comes to a head, they will be right there to say, “I told you so!”
Like the therapist said, “When you have no funds, when you have no resources, you become quite dependant on someone” and Porsha answered that she thought that was what being what a wife was. Now to her credit, Porsha ‘s father died when she was 17 and she thought that Kordell was like her father, who provided for his family but the difference was Kordell controlled her by holding the purse strings which brings me to my next point.
Ladies, you have GOT to have your own! Yes, having a man be able to provide for you is great but you need to have a means to make your own money and not have to depend on every coin he may or may not throw your way! Every woman or maybe not, EVERY woman, but a lot of women would like to be sat down, able to stay at home with the kids and their man bring home the bacon, but what if the tables turned and for whatever reason, your man is not longer able to bring home the bacon and you have been at home for 10+ years and now you have to find someone willing to hire a woman who has been out of the workforce for over 10 years? The shit just got real, right?
Porsha didn’t have her name on a damn thing, thus when he was done, he threw her out like yesterday’s trash and wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it! Ladies, take a lesson from Porsha’s book! I don’t give a damn if your man is nothing like Kordell and he is the best thing since sliced bread, YOU better get your name on a deed, a bank account…something!! Do not allow a man to tell you when and where you can go, who can come visit you, etc. Kordell wouldn’t even allow her sister and mother to come over! YES, you read that right! How in the hell do you allow a man to dictate when you can see your family? I’m going to be like Iyanla and say, “Let’s call a thing a thing!” Kordell was emotionally, if not physically abusive to Porsha. You can see the effects every time she talks about him!
Let me say that this post was in no way bashing Porsha because we all learn from the mistakes that we make and we can also learn from the mistakes of others. She is not the first woman to be in a similar situation, nor will she be the last but if any woman can read this or watch the show and learn from Porsha, then hopefully, we can save some women from the heartbreak that she had to go through.
Photo Credits: Black Snob,