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Catch Me Elsewhere
Sourced from Single Black Male
I know we don’t know each other all that well, but allow me to confess: I’m a jerk. As a result of my snarky brutally honest ways, I found it hard to think of unattractive qualities that I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with my partner. Typically, if I don’t like something I share it (which is why I’m single), but — in an effort to remain honest and authentic — here is a list of deal breakers I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing:
1. Men with Ambition Imbalances:
I love a purpose-driven man. I am insanely attracted to men that work hard, have a vision and are actively trying to achieve that vision; however, if I get the sense that a man would stab me dead and step over my cold body to get to the top, I can’t take him too seriously. Men, keep that in mind when we meet at the bar and you try to impress me with stories about your cut throat attitude and your proclivity to check your Blackberry during sex. I’ll nod and smile, but you can’t be my boyfriend. Conversely, if you have no job and/or no ambition, we can’t be together. Ambition is a necessary spice of life, but it’s not the entire meal. Savor relaxation, savor balance, and savor me.
2. Men who aren’t funny:
I’ve been told I laugh like an old man. It starts deep in the belly and rolls up and out of my mouth. It’s loud and embarrassing, and — sometimes — it’s better than sex. I will never find a man who can’t make me laugh attractive. I also really hate dealing with men who crack corny jokes. I have to pretend to laugh, this encourages the man to keep trying, and it’s generally a bad time for everyone involved. Laughter may seem silly to some, but it’s a necessity for me. Life is too short and I can be far too serious — laughter reminds me to chill out.
3. The Inauthentic Nice Guy:
I love genuinely nice people: they smile, they are attentive, and they make the world a better place. That said, the inauthentic nice guy is super unattractive. His kindness is rooted in a lack of self-worth, a need to please EVERYONE at the expense of his own happiness. This man, in a relationship, is a pushover. I’m not asking to date a complete asshole, but healthy boundaries are part of being an adult. Also, a lack authenticity of any sort is unattractive for me.
4. Men who suffer from “little man syndrome”:
See, I’ve dated guys who were short. Height has never been an issue for me. I throw on heels , they come up to my neck, and we ride out. I’m actually cool with it — it makes me feel like a model. That said, I can’t deal with men who are always trying to compensate for their stature. Relax. Put your arms down. Stop talking about the time you stomped out a dude twice your height. Own your size. Own all of your flaws for that matter. Good things can come in small packages, and I’m open to accepting all packages, as long as their good enough (pun intended).
5. Men who can’t defend themselves:
I know I’m going to catch flack for this, but I don’t care. Call it carnal, call it archaic, but if a man can’t defend himself, I can’t take him seriously. After several seasons of careful reflection True Blood, I have come to terms with my werewolf alpha-driven fetishes tendencies. I don’t ever ever want to be with a man who goes around picking fights. EVER! (Seriously, we’re too old, and dudes that pick fights are extremely unattractive.) But I do need to know that you and I can go all Resident Evil together when the zombie apocalypse hits. I’m a survivor. My man must be one as well.
Continue Reading at Single Black Male
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